Being in a relationship for this long has made me forget what it's like to be alone, be independent. Two years ago (even though I was quite young) I took pride in my independence. I didn't need anyone to lean on- I had myself, and in the end, that's all that mattered. However, ever since August 4th, 2009, I've become not only co-dependent, but afraid. I've grown to have no self-respect in return for the warmth and security that being in love and being loved back brought.

I always told myself that cheating was one thing I could not, and would not, put up with. I had lied. Cheating became something I could and would put up with. The thought of being alone scared me to the point that I had began to compromise with myself. I told myself that it wouldn't happen again, yet it did, and now I find myself saying the same thing. Although it hasn't happened yet, I'm confident it will.

During times like this, it's almost like there's a war going on inside of me. Forgive my cheesiness, but I know I deserve better and I can only hope I will one day get treated the way I deserve. However, my heart wants that feeling of warmth and security that, as mentioned above, being in a relationship brings. Although my head is closer to me ears, I always cave in and listen to my heart.

I'd like to say that if it happened again, I would leave him. And thinking about it, I believe that whole heartedly. But things are easier said than done.