Tuesday, November 2, 2010, 11:48 AM
Being in a relationship for this long has made me forget what it's like to be alone, be independent. Two years ago (even though I was quite young) I took pride in my independence. I didn't need anyone to lean on- I had myself, and in the end, that's all that mattered. However, ever since August 4th, 2009, I've become not only co-dependent, but afraid. I've grown to have no self-respect in return for the warmth and security that being in love and being loved back brought.
I always told myself that cheating was one thing I could not, and would not, put up with. I had lied. Cheating became something I could and would put up with. The thought of being alone scared me to the point that I had began to compromise with myself. I told myself that it wouldn't happen again, yet it did, and now I find myself saying the same thing. Although it hasn't happened yet, I'm confident it will.
During times like this, it's almost like there's a war going on inside of me. Forgive my cheesiness, but I know I deserve better and I can only hope I will one day get treated the way I deserve. However, my heart wants that feeling of warmth and security that, as mentioned above, being in a relationship brings. Although my head is closer to me ears, I always cave in and listen to my heart.
I'd like to say that if it happened again, I would leave him. And thinking about it, I believe that whole heartedly. But things are easier said than done.
Monday, August 30, 2010, 3:38 PM
Katy Perry's album, Teenage Dream, was released a few days previous and I've gotten the chance to listen to it completely (a few times, I might add). I have been a fan of Katy's ever since I heard her song "Ur So Gay" on myspace in '07. For someone who was immensely impressed with Perry's first album, One Of the Boys, I'm very pleased to say I'm even more impressed with this one. Each song has a different meaning, but still stays true to each other. From drug addicted boyfriends, to dancing on table tops, and of course California Girls, the album in its entirety is fantastic and flows very nicely. In order of my favorite to least favorite and review any song I feel the need to. Ha ha.
1. The One That Got Away - To me, this is almost like a "Thinking Of You" follow up. If you couldn't tell by the title of the song, she's singing about someone who got away and regretting it (I wonder how Russel Brand feels?). Definitely one of the sweetest songs on the album. I don't think this is a chart topper, but some of the best songs aren't.
2. Circle The Drain - It's four minutes and thirty-three seconds long and throughout the entire song, you can hear her anger and aggravation. I can't speak from experience, but this is exactly how I'd feel if my boyfriend, friend, or family member was ever addicted to drugs/alcohol. The best line on the album is in this song, "Wanna be your lover, not your fuckin' mother." and it gives me chills every time. It's basically a tie between these two. It switches back and forth. Ha ha.
3. Who Am I Living For? - Anyone who knows Katy Perry's background and history knows she grew up in a Christian-based family (her dad was a Pastor in fact) and her first ever album (under the name of Katy Hudson) was indeed a Christian album. Hard to believe, I know... especially since the song that really made her big was "I Kissed A Girl." "I can see the writing on the wall. I can't ignore this war. At the end of it all, who am I living for?" To me, this song is about self-realization and coming to terms with religion. It seems that she's been fighting with herself as to what she believes in. "Who am I living for?" I feel like the word "who" varies between different people: the media, her father, herself, and God. Very meaningful song and I can relate to it so much.
4. Teenage Dream
5. Peacock - Completely retarded song, but so damn catchy. I wanna see your peacock (cock, cock)!
6. Firework - To anyone who doubts themselves, listen to this. That's all I have to say.
7. E.T. - Another catchy song, but not retarded. I heard this a few months back and instantly fell in love.
8. Hummingbird Heartbeat - If the lyrics were a little less cheesy in this, it'd probably be right up there with Teenage Dream. I can't get past the corniness of it. "I've flown a million miles just to find a magic seed, a white flower (sperm) with the power to bring life to me." Over all, this song is cute and catchy. I think it could do well on the charts.
9. Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.) - If I was a partier, I'd like this more. Still catchy and fun to listen to! Very Kesha-esque. But anyone who sings about getting drunk is Kesha-esque.
10. Pearl - Basically, the song is saying not to let boyfriends control you. Took a while to get into, but I really like it.
11. Not Like the Movies - Very cute song, but I feel like it's lacking something. The entire album shows improvement, but this one feels like it belongs on her first one.
12. California Gurls - At first, I loved it and I still do. But I'm tired of hearing it. Everyone knows this song and there's really no point besides California girls being undeniable and fine. And fresh. And fierce. Hey, they got it on lock!
